ONE on ONE

DOCTOR & PATIENT

ADIK: Doc, grabe yung panaginip ko gabi-gabi, kasi lagi daw ako naunuod ng
basketball. ( Doc, I have a bad dream every night, as if I am always watching basketball.)
DOCTOR: sige halika may gamot ako para dyan. (Okay, come here. I have medicine for that.)
ADIK: Wag muna dok, championship game na mamaya eh! ( Not now, doc. It's championship tonight!)

MA'AM & MAID

AMO: Kelan lang tayo bumili ng toothpick, bakit naubos agad? ( We just bought toothpicks why they are gone now?)
MAID: Ewan ko po mam, kapag ako po ang gumamit sinosoli ko naman ah! (I don't know Ma'am because whenever I use it, I always return it!)

TEACHER & PUPIL

TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
BOY#1: Naglaba mam!TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
BOY#2: Naglalaba!TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?
BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!

LITERAL TRANSLATION

AMERICAN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!
IN TAGALOG:Kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdamnyo bahay nyo to!

JOKES for the Day

Joke # 1

Sweethearts watchin' the sky...

GUY: ano ang horoscope mo? (What is your horoscope?)
GIRL: anong huruskup? (What is horoscope?)
GUY: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER. (It's your fate, like me, CANCER.)
GIRL: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS! ( Ah, for me it's HEMORRHOID!)

Joke # 2

TEACHER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TEACHER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba? (My teacher is beautiful, is she really?)

Joke # 3

DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu! ( As a new maid, remember that breakfast here is six o'clock sharp!)
MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna nakayong mag-almusal! (No problem, Ma'am. If I am still sleeping at that time, you can go ahead and eat your breakfast!)

Joke # 4

SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:
1. birds of the same feather, are the same birds.
2. do not do unto others what you can't do.
3. an apple a day is not an apple at night.
4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone.
5. if others can do it, don't help.
6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine.
7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon.
8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na maingay...may naglalaba. ( A quiet river is deep, a noisy river .... somebody is washing clothes.)


Joke # 5
Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

4 JOKES for the DAY

MANA SA AMA
NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin? (You are stupid, son! You don't even know how to count from 1 to 1o!)
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "Tama na inday,hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko." (Father is more stupid , Mother. One time I heard him said to our maid, " Stop it Inday... I can only have 3!)
















TEXT KAY DADDY NA NASA ABROAD

"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang baon sa skul. Yong nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw.ako tuloy ang umubos.

TEXT MESSAGE to HUSBAND who is working OVERSEAS

"Love, thank you for the things you sent us. Nene is very happy because she will have TOBLERON for her school break. Jr. is already wearing his Nike shoes. Next time, don't send anymore NIVEA MILK. Your children don't like the taste. It's so bitter that's why I consumed it all!"
MULTIPLE CHOICE

MISTER: ano ang pagkain natin?
MISIS: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
MISTER: isang pirasong tuyo? ano pagpipilian ko?
MISIS: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!



English Translation
Husband: What is our lunch?

Wife: It's on the table. Just choose what you like.

Husband: One piece of dried fish? What are the choices?

Wife: Choose whether you will eat or not!


IDD call from US: (EXPANDING)

HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan? (Hon, how's is our grocery store?)
WIFE: dept store na! (It's already a department store!)
HUSBAND: ang tuba-an? (The liquor store?)
WIFE: KTV bar na! (It's already a KTV bar!)
HUSBAND: ang mga tri-sikad? (The tricycle?)
WIFE: taxi na! (It's already a taxi!)


HUSBAND: ang dalawa kong anak? (My 2 children?)

WIFE: LIMA na! (They are already 5!)