Sunday, July 20, 2008

4 Jokes for Today

ICE CREAM sa MIRYENDA











Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse ni Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice Cream?
Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga bata,
Mirinda na!"

Is it really ice cream that Pacquio (Manny) is endorsing in his TV add for Nestle Ice Cream?
I thought it is softdrinks. Because he said, " Children, Mirinda na?"

Mirinda is a variation of "miryenda" , filipino for snacks.

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WELL-BEHAVED CAT

Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Peter: You know, even if our viand is left uncovered on the table, our cat does nor eat it!

Juan: Maniwala ako!
John: I don't believe it!
Pedro: Totoo!
Peter: It's true!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
John: What is your viand?
Pedro: Asin!
Peter: Salt!
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CARING NURSE
Nurse: Miss, gising na!
Nurse: Miss, wake up!




Patient: Ah, bakit?
Patient: Ah, why?

Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot.
Nurse: It's time for your medicine.

Patient: Anong gamot?
Patient: What kind of medicine?
Nurse: Sleeping pills.
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Cup of Coffee
Erap at Starbucks.

Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!
Erap: Waiter, one coffee please!

Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?
Waiter: Sir, is it decaf?

Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup!
Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!

Erap: Of course! Stupid! All coffee is de-cup!
Why, is there anything on the plate?!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Daniel Dingel - Genius or Insane


With the unstoppable increase in fuel, many become curious with the water-powered car of Filipino inventor, Daniel Dingel. The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that Daniel Dingel built a water-fueled automobile engine as early as 1969. Dingel has no patents and many members of the science community feel that his water-powered car is a hoax. However, Daniel Dingel has demonstrated his car without any technical papers or explanation as to how it works. And if it does work, a water-powered car would be a fantastic invention.


Daniel Dingel claims his engine has a chamber that breaks apart water molecules to produce combustible hydrogen. Electricity from a 12-volt car battery is used to split the water molecules into hydrogen and oxygen components, with the hydrogen then used to power the car engine.


Dingel already demonstrated his invention on TV and yet even the Philippine government has no support for his genius invention.


Obvious naman ang dahilan: dahil kapag tutoo ang imbensyon ni Dingel, mawawalan ng malaking kita ang gobyerno sa buwis ng langis. Ayaw nga nilang alisin ang VAT dito, hindi ba? Hayun at dito raw nanggagaling ang ipinamumudmod nilang P500 para sa mahihirap sa pagbabayad ng kuryente, sa munting puhunan para sa maybahay ng mga drayber at sa mga senior citizen 75 idad-pataas.


Dito nagpapatunay na hindi talaga nakapokus ang gobyerno para maibsan ang paghihirap ng mga mamamayan dulot ng pagtaas ng langis na kakabit ng pagtaas ng lahat ng bilihin. Kung tubig ay pwedeng magpatakbo ng mga sasakyan, bakit ayaw suportahan.? Mas marami namang pagkukunan ng tubig kaysa pagkukunan ng langis, di ba?


Masasabi kong bobo ang gobyerno sa hindi pagpansin sa imbensyon ni Daniel Dingel. Naipakita na nga ang pruweba sa TV ay ano pa ang gusto? Bakit naman ikukuha ng patent ni Dingel? Eh di nagaya ng mga manggagaya!


Nakakalungkot nga at ipagbibili na yata niya sa ibang bansa ang imbensyong ito sa kundisyong kukuha ang sinumang makakabili ng 200 Pinoy na manggagawa.


Bakit hindi na lang tayong mga OFW ang magpondo sa imbensyon ni Dingel? Kaya naman natin, di ba?

INTELLIGENT QUOTIENT (I.Q. BAGA!)

PASSING THE TEST

Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Father: Why are you crying?
Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu!
Daughter: I passed the test. Hu-hu-hu!


Ama: Aba , magaling! Anong subject yun, anak?
Father: Very good! What is that subject, my daughter?
nak: Pregnancy test po itay!
Daughter: Pregnancy test, Dad!

GOOD MANNERS AND RIGHT CONDUCT (GMRC)
Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Son: Mom, my teacher is good.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Mother: Why?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Son: She taught us good manners.


Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Mother: So you know how to be respectful and say "po" and "opo"?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?
Son: Naturally! Are you insane?

SLOW LEARNER


Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
Child 1: Why did you punch me?
Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
Child 2: Because you called me a hippopotamus?
Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado!
Child 1: That was last year, stupid!
Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!
Child 2: I just saw the picture of a hippopotamus a while ago, you moron!

INTELLIGENT MAID
Hindi makapagtimpla ng juice si Inday. Tahimik lang syang nakatitig sa bote ng juice. Dahil nakasulat: Concentrate.


Inday cannot prepare the fruit juice. She is very quiet staring only at the bottle. Written on it: Concentrate.

Monday, July 14, 2008

NERI is SSS Boss by August 2008



Neri assumes SSS post Aug. 1--Palace

By Lira Dalangin-FernandezINQUIRER.netFirst Posted 12:33:00 07/09/2008


MANILA, Philippines -- Commission on Higher Education chairman Romulo Neri will take over as administrator of the Social Security System starting August 1, Press Secretary Jesus Dureza announced Wednesday.
Neri will replace Corazon de la Paz, who resigned from her post in June, citing "problems."
"Secretary Romulo Neri has been appointed by President [Gloria Macapagal-] Arroyo administrator of the Social Security System. He will assume office August 1 this year," Dureza said in a statement.
In a separate phone interview, Dureza said Neri would also assume as chief executive officer of the state-run pension fund for workers in the private sector.
Neri will also be the cluster head of the newly-launched national social welfare program with a Cabinet rank. The program was created under Administrative Order 232 released Tuesday that would consolidate the social welfare programs of the government.
De la Paz confirmed earlier on Wednesday that she submitted her resignation letter as early as June.
Dureza said the President accepted Dela Paz’s resignation and cited her for the "leadership, reforms, and initiatives she did as SSS chief."
When asked as to who Neri’s replacement would be, Dureza said the President has not decided.

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As to the replacement of Corazon dela Paz as SSS chief, like what I said before, appointments in government are pre-arranged with specific tenure.
Bago pa maupo si GMA ay nakakasa na ang lahat. Dapat ay mabiyayaan ang lahat ng kaalyado ng administrasyon lalo pa at matatapos na ang katungkulan ng nakaupong presidente. Kalakaran na ito na hindi na dapat pagtakhan. Sabi ko nga, "Kanino pa ba ang sarap, Kundi sa kamag-anak!
Because of the ZET Broadband deal, the integrity of Romulo Neri is in doubt. He can still use that so called "executive privilege" in using SSS funds for the next election.
My concern is "HOW IS IT THAT WE LET GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL TO MANAGE PRIVATE FUNDS?"

Neri should manage the GSIS not the SSS. I think it is about time that private person MUST manage private fund. Private employees should have alternative agencies where they can put their retirement fund. Besides, it is their hard-earned money. Let other agencies compete for each other to attract SSS members.
Dapat nang buwagin ang SSS at hayaan ang mga private investors na magtayo ng mga trust funds!!
Kailangan may mapapagpilian silang ibang kumpanya kung saan lalago nang husto ang kanilang pinaghirapan! Hindi tama na ang mga tao sa gobyerno ang namamahala sa pondo ng SSS. Hindi naman pera ng gobyerno ang SSS, bakit pahahawakan sa kanila? Magkakaroon na naman ng katiwalian at kurakutan! Tapos, hindi naman magsasalita kapag tinatanong na. "EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE daw! LETSE!!

2 Jokes for Father

MACHO si FATHER

Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari? (Gosh Father, you are cute and handsome! Why did you become a priest?)
Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha! ( Because my parents did not want me to become a nun! You witch!)

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FOLLOW THE LEADER


Sa prusisyon. ( In a church procession)

Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose , mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary.
Priest: Boys, follow the float of St. Joseph.... girls , to Mother Mary's.

Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod?
Gay: Father, whom shall we follow?

Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!
Priest: You Witches! Follow me!

Miss Venezuela is Miss Universe 2008







The competition is over! Miss Venezuela, Dayana Mendoza, is crowned Miss Universe 2008 at Nha Trang, Vietnam on Monday, 14 July 2008. Other finalists include Miss Colombia (First Runner -up) , Miss Mexico, Miss Dom1nican Republic and Miss Russia.
Miss Thailand is Best in national Costume! (Meaning, natalo ang Philippines sa pagboto sa internet. Naghihirap na nga yata ang mga Pinoy o kulang sa promotion). Miss El Salvador is Miss Congeniality.
The 15 semi-finalists come from:
1. Venezuela
2. Kosovo
3. Mexico
4. Vietnam
5. South Africa
6. Australia
7. Japan
8. Dominican Republic
9. Italy
10. Colombia
11. Russia
12. Hungary
13. Czech Republic
14. USA ( na nadapa sa evening gown competition at magiging sikat sa Youtube)
15. Spain
Only five from above are not on my list which includes Miss Australia, Japan, Russia, Hungary And Czech Republic. As I have said, I chose my bets based only on their initial photographs. 10 out of 15 or 67% is not a bad figure!
Dahil hindi man nakasama ang Miss Philippines sa top 15, tama ang prediksyon ng mga mapanlait nating kababayan pero mas marami ang nalulungkot. Ang tagal na... hindi pa rin nasusundan si Gloria Diaz at Margie Moran.
Dapat kayang magpakidnap din sa mga Abu Sayaf ang susunod na Bb. Pilipinas (tulad ni Miss Venezuela) o magdapa-dapaan tulad ni Miriam Quiambao?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Tobit James Narciso - Bronze Medalist -APMO 2008


From Positive News Media
Inspirational


PhiSci wiz wins bronze in 20th Asian-Pacific Math OlympiadBy Jun 8, 2008 - 5:28:41 AM
MANILA, June 10 (PNA) -- Filipino prowess in mathematics shone in the recent conclusion of the 20th Asian-Pacific Mathematical Olympiad (APMO) with a student from the Philippine Science High School (PSHS) winning bronze in the event.


Tobit James Narciso, a graduate of PSHS-Diliman Campus, won bronze after garnering 9 points in total scores held last March 11 at the Ateneo de Manila University.


A student is awarded a bronze medal once he or she garners more than seven points, a silver medal for scores above 12 points and a gold medal for scores higher than 17 points. Total number of points is 35.


Narciso bested nine other high school students in the Philippines coming from different schools in the country.


The APMO started in 1989 which aims to discover, encourage and challenge mathematically-gifted school students in all Pacific Rim countries. It also intends to foster friendly international relations and cooperation between students and teachers in the Pacific-Rim Region, create an opportunity for the exchange of information on school syllabi and practice throughout the Pacific Region, and encourage and support mathematical involvement with Olympiad type activities, not only in the APMO participating countries, but also in other Pacific-Rim countries.


Participants in the APMO are given a four-hour paper consisting of five questions of varying difficulty and each having a maximum score of 7 points. The contest questions are collected from the contestants at the end of the APMO and are to be kept confidential until the Senior Coordinating Country posts them on the official APMO website. All contestants are not allowed to discuss the problems over the internet until the date that the results are posted.


This year's APMO appeared to be difficult with very low medal turnout: 17 for gold, 12 for silver, and 7 for bronze, with one bronze going to the Philippines. Overall, the Philippines ranked 17th among the 28 participating countries, garnering a total score of 42 and only one bronze medal, besting neighbors Indonesia, Cambodia, and Bangladesh. South Korea topped the list of countries participating in the APMO, followed by Japan, USA, Taiwan and Russia.


Dr. Ester B. Ogena, Director of the Science Education Institute, expressed her praise to Narciso as she challenged other high school students to step up for the country by excelling in mathematics.


"Mathematics need not be a difficult subject given the substantial training and knowledge from grade school to secondary level", she said.


Ogena said excellence in mathematics, as well as in science, should translate into careers in science, technology and engineering that could help catapult the Philippines to becoming a developed country.


"I urge our dear students to put into good use the foundation they get in joining this kind of competition by taking up science-related courses. We need you to help us pursue our development goals through research and development geared towards building our capacity to innovate our industries and improve our economy", she said. (PNA)

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Congrats to Dennis Orcullo




On July 6, 2008, Dennis "Surigao & Robocop" Orcullo of the Philippines is $40,000 richer for winning the 2008 Qatar World 9-Ball Open Billiard Tournament in Doha, Qatar. He defeated Niels "The Terminator" Feijen of Holland, 13-5.

Congrats Dennis! You made us Pinoys proud!

Jokes for Mothers








MOTHER IN-LAW




Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're? (Where have you been, 'bro?)Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko. ( In the cemetery. It's the burial of my mother in-law!)

Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo? (Why the bruises in your arms and face?)

Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban! (She's very hard to bury, 'bro. She kept on fighting me!)


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MOTHER SUPERIOR



Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento! (Go, leave this convent at once!)



Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator? ( Why? Is it because I'm using a vibrator?)



Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko! (No, it's just that I don't want anybody messing with my things!)

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MOTHER & SON


Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?
(Mother: Ok, leave! Don't ever come back to this house. From now on, don't call me your mother and I won't call you my son, understand?)

Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako. (S0n: Ok, dude, I'm going.)

Jokes for Today



















MOTHER IN-LAW









Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're? (Where did you come from, 'Bro?)





Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko. (From the cemetery. It's my mother in-laws' burial!)





Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo? (Why is it that your face and arms are full of bruises?)





Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban! (it's very hard to bury her. She's fighting me!)




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Bakit "S" ang nasa costume ni Superman? ( Why "S" is on Superman's costume?)
















Wala na kasing medium! Napansin mo, fit masyado, di ba? (There's no more Medium. Did you notice, it's tightly fit, isn't it?)




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Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento! ( Go, leave this convent at once!)








Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator? (Why? Is it because I used a vibrator?)






Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko! (No. I just don't want anybody using my things!)




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Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?



(Mother: Go! Don't ever come back to this house! From now on, don't call me your mother and I will no longer call you my child! Do you understand?)



Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.



(Child: Okay dude, I'm going.)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Miss Mexico - Best in Swimsuit


Miss Mexico, Elisa Najera, won Best In Swimsuit in the competition for the Miss Universe 2008 beauty pageant. Included in the top 5 are :

1) Miss Colombia - Taliana Vargas

2) Miss India - Simran Kaur Mundi

3) Miss USA - Crystle Stewart

4) Miss Spain - Claudia Moro


Only Miss India is not in my list of Top 25.

Musclemania Universe 2008 is a Pinoy!

(Article & Photo downloaded from pinoymuscle.com)


Once again, Roderick "Jerick" Ternida grabbed the Over-All Champion title at the Musclemania Universe 2008 on June 20-21, 2008 in Miami Beach, Florida. This year, Jerick proved to himself and to everybody that a 1 year hiatus was all it took to make a great comeback, beating all the other contestants from all over the world.Last year, Jerick had an injury and did not compete. He took that opportunity to train at home in Manila, Philippines (Cainta) and focus for this year's show. These pictures show the mark of a true champion!

SMILE FOR A WHILE

MAGIC PANTY


Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis. (Chinese: Buy this panty. If you wear it, you'll not get pregnant!)Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo. (Lady: Give me three.)


3 months later, galit si babae: Bakit ako nabuntis? (Three months later, the lady is angry: Why I get pregnant?)

Intsik: Baka hinubad mo! (Chinese: You probably took it off!)


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IT'S NOT YOU!



GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako! (Girlfriend: F...., you're fooling me!)

BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah! (Boyfriend: Why, I did not do anything wrong!)

GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae,magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako. (GF: Nothing? A while ago, I saw you with this girl, holding hands. You're fooling me!)

BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko! (BF: Listen for a while... I am not fooling you, believe me... It's that girl that I am fooling!)

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TOOTHLESS SOLDIER
Ifugao: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir. ( I want to be a soldier, sir.)

Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa! ( You can't be, you have broken teeth. You have lost teeth, too!)

Ifugao: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan? (Why, sir? In battle , are we going to bite each other?)


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INTERPRETATION

A lizard fell on a table.

Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae.

Kikay: Eew, lizard!

Astig: Shit, butiki! (Macho man:)

Mataray: Shucks, butiks! (Socialite:)
Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste! (Rich man:)
Mahirap: Pare, ulam! (Poor man: Food, man!)

NADAL REIGNS WIMBLEDON 2008










Rafael Nadal of Mallorca, Spain ended the 5-year reign of Switzerland's Roger Federer with 6-7, 6-7, 7-6, 7-6, 9-7 win in a gruesome 4 hours and 48 minutes play in the Wimbledon 2008 men's singles final on 6 July 2008. Nadal also won the French Open last month.








A day earlier, American Venus William slammed her rival and sister Serena to captured the ladies' singles final in a 7-5, 6-4 win.

Laura Robson of Britain and Grigor Dimitrov of Bulgaria won the girls' and boys' title.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

HOW to GET OLD GRACEFULLY







Who will be Miss Universe 2008?

Who will wear this year's Miss Universe crown?
Miss Bahamas
Miss Colombia
Miss Denmark
Miss Dominican Republic
Miss Ecuador
Miss Georgia
Miss Ghana
Miss Italy
Miss Israel
Miss Kosovo
Miss Kazakhstan
Miss Panama
Miss Philippines
Miss Puerto Rico
Miss Serbia
Miss Slovenia
Miss Spain
Miss Thailand
Miss Turkey
Miss Turkey (double image)
Miss United Kingdom
Miss U S A

Miss South Africa


Miss Venezuela


Miss Vietnam






Miss Mexico



Watching beauty contests is one of the few entertainments most people enjoy. On July 14 at Nha Trang City, Vietnam, the 57th Miss Universe will be crowned.

I have chosen 25 of the 80 candidates as my bets based only on their photos. I hope 15 of them will be chosen as semifinals. It is very hard to choose the winner or the top 5 unless you watch the competition proper.

Here are my bets in no particular order:
1. Israel
2.Ghana
3. South Africa
4. Panama
5. USA
6. Mexico
7. Venezuela
8. Ecuador
9. Colombia
10. Kazakhstan
11. Philippines
12. Thailand
13. Vietnam
14. Puerto Rico
15. Dominican Republic
16. Bahamas
17. Slovenia
18. Serbia
19. Kosovo
20. Georgia
21. Denmark
22. UK
23. Turkey
24. Spain
25. Italy

The Best in National Costume will be chosen via online voting. With the Filipinos' support, the Philippines might win that award.

To the candidates who are not in my list, GOOD LUCK!

RJ De Vera Wins Mr Man Hot Star International 2023

The Philippines' RJ De Vera won Mr. Man Hot Star International 2023 held at the Saensuk Grandhall of the Bangsaen Heritage Hotel in Chon...